Last day of our favorite smile...

I guess it's hard for me to explain to people why I'm not happier about Calder's surgery...in addition to being a nervous wreck...I am just sad that I'm losing that huge grin. I know my "cleft mommy" friends get it, but it's hard to even talk about it with other people. Meaning well, they always say things that shouldn't hurt, but do...You spend all this time loving your child more than you could ever imagine, exactly the way they are, and then all of the sudden they are different. It's not that I think I'll love him any less, I'm sure I will love him even more, but it makes me sad that he has to change. If only everyone else in the world would be as accepting...

I dread that he will look back at his baby pictures and dislike them, or be embarrassed...when all I want to do with them is blow them into huge reprints and plaster my walls with them!!! I guess it's all relative. This is one of those times I wish I had a crystal ball, so I could see how his life will be later...I can only hope that all of the difficulties I know he might face will make him a better and more empathetic person. I hope I can help that along too.

So, as random as this posting might be, it's my last day to love the heck out of this little man's smile, and to figure out how to let go a little bit too. I will be posting some post-op pictures, so that will probably be my next entry. I can't wait until I can post some pics of both smiles...

Love you little man!!

Christmas

So, a relatively uneventful Christmas at home with family this year...well, not all of them but...

Caydree got a very fancy princess "Belle" dress-up from Santa, and has literally been dressed up ever since. She has maybe worn regular clothes for a total of 2 hours a day (daytime...we do manage to get her into jammies at night...) but seriously? She is about the girliest girl I could ever imagine we'd have!!

She also got a pair of Cinderella 'glass' slippers (they are really plastic) from Grandma. Only about 3 sizes too big, she will get to wear them for years to come! Don't you love the picture of her holding up the dress so you can see them?! Even funnier is her clopping around the house in them, while she is holding the dress up!

Thankfully, since Grandma and Grandpa have been here we have gotten some storage solutions for the dress up garb...a spinning tower, wall hooks, hangers and good habits! Thanks G & G...let's pray this lasts!!

Calder, on the other hand, did get some clothes, but no dress-ups. He has just become more and more of a little person in the past few weeks...not to say that he wasn't before...but more personality is coming out everyday! He actually acts shy when you smile at him, and will coyly turn his head away...he will watch TV, just like his daddy, and literally not take his eyes off of it...and he also does this raise one eyebrow thing...quite possibly a reflex, but always at seemingly appropriate times...TOO funny!

We have been taking lots of pictures...hundreds because Grandma is here...love it!
His lip surgery is in less than 2 weeks, so it will be so nice to have all of these great smiles and expressions on film now...I'm sure there will be lots of new ones soon, and I want to remember every beautiful expression and smile we have seen so far. I feel so blessed, even though I know that babies who are showered with an infinite amount of love and affection are typically pretty happy...this little man is just so amazing. He lights up the room, and you just can't help but love him a thousand times more every time you see him!

I'm not really scared about his surgery, just anxious if it will change his personality after...I love him so much now...
You don't ever want to see your child hurting or in pain...I know he needs to have the surgery, and I know there will be more to come...I know the results will be great, but I worry about the recovery...just want my sweet, happy, loving little boy to be himself. Please pray for us!

HOW COULD YOU NOT LOVE, LOVE, LOVE THIS LITTLE MAN?!?!

first smiles (take one)

The past couple of weeks, Calder has been figuring this out, and we just couldn't love his smile anymore!! There are periods of time when he will just sit and grin like a mad fool, for no apparent reason! (we do not think it is gas...he's not so happy when that happens!)

Shane may tell you otherwise, but I think he is just the sweetest, and well-tempered baby. He definitely has his moments, but unfortunately I think he just inherited my tendencies to be a bit particular. Is it too much to ask for a clean, dry diaper, a little milk, and to be warm and snuggly?!

So here is my favorite smiley picture so far...I love this little boy!!! I'll figure out one of these days how to get the pictures going in the right direction!

1st Visit to the Plastic Surgeon

SO, we went to the plastic surgeon on Nov. 6th. We had met with him at the hospital, so it was pretty informal, and not as "educational" as I had hoped...but only because he had already told us most of what was to come! Dr. Sinow is a really funny guy, and Shane and I feel so blessed to once again have such great doctors taking care of our little man.

I had a ballpark of when his lip surgery would be, but we were hoping to get an actual date. That didn't exactly happen, but we've narrowed it down to Jan. I'm hoping early January so it will happen during my vacation, but I guess that is a bit selfish, and I'll take the time off when I need to!

We will have one more meeting with him before we really get a date and know complete details. They have mastered many methods of surgery for cleft lip...so the surgery itself is pretty common, and "easy"...although on a baby, with itty bitty needles, and hundreds of small little stitches in 3 layers, it is very intricate and "complicated". (If that makes any sense!?) I feel confident that we will get a great result, and that Calder will be on his way!

I've become friends with some amazing ladies on the "cleft lip and palate" babycenter board I am on, and they are always talking about their own experiences...one of which is the grieving period after lip surgery. The cleft itself...the thing that was initially so scary and such an unknown, becomes such a big part of who your child is...not in a bad way...but their beautiful "wide smile" is the only smile you have known, it is what you love about them, and you really will miss it when it is gone. You obviously want your child to have the surgery and have a "beautiful and normal" smile like everyone else. Problem is, that when you have a baby with a cleft, their smile is already beautiful and normal to you...cleft or not, they are the baby you fell in love with when you first found out you were pregnant, and then you fell in love with them again when you heard their heartbeat for the first time, and then when you saw them on the ultrasound, and felt them move, and when they were born...how could you not absolutely love them exactly as they are???!!! So these mommies I know all say that we are the luckiest mommies in the world because we get the joy of having 2 "first smiles", and I think that is a pretty amazing way to look at it.

I'll keep you all updated on appointments as they happen, and our latest news!