Midnight Milk Diaries

OK...another breastfeeding blog? No, although it is tempting! My title is fun...

Definitely have to say that this pumping thing is not really something that I would want to do forever! I've decided that my right side just can't keep up, and it has decided to clog again. :( If you are a woman who has breastfed or pumped and experienced a clogged milk duct you know what I am talking about...hard as a rock, painful boob...NO GOOD. Thankfully, since it happened before, I knew what it was, and how to "fix" it, and we are feeling much better. I'm going to try taking this supplement called lecithin to prevent it from happening again. I'm also back to the strict pumping schedule...think I got a bit lazy this last week! Going back to school will help keep me on a better schedule too.

So, this round of pumping done, I'm off to bed! GOODNIGHT.

figuring this out...

OK, so I figured out how to add music...now I'm content for awhile! :)

Today is my last "official" day of maternity leave, and I go back to school in about a week. Looking forward to it, but a little sad too. Time just goes by too quickly these days...little man will be 2 months old on Sunday! Got nothing done, but that is ok too, quality time with my baby was the best.

thought I'd try adding some pictures...

Calder Saben Jennings, born 9/27/09 at 1:53 PM, 8 lbs and 21 1/4 in

Big Sister Caydree holding baby "brudder" at the hospital

Sleepy snuggle-saurus

BIG eyes...always checking things out

Thumbalina and Calder

blog mini-vent

So, once you enter the world of blogging...it's really hard not to constantly peek at other blogs and compare them to your own. I'm super addicted, and mine absolutely does NOT compare...but I want to keep it going as lame as it may be, to chronicle our journey and update anyone not on facebook!

I want a fun layout, and to know how to add pictures that face the right direction! How do you make those little videos and put them on there? Music? There are just too many cool things about blogging that I don't know. So, if you are reading this, or if you are debating on whether or not to "follow" us...please don't judge me by my blog!

first smiles (take one)

The past couple of weeks, Calder has been figuring this out, and we just couldn't love his smile anymore!! There are periods of time when he will just sit and grin like a mad fool, for no apparent reason! (we do not think it is gas...he's not so happy when that happens!)

Shane may tell you otherwise, but I think he is just the sweetest, and well-tempered baby. He definitely has his moments, but unfortunately I think he just inherited my tendencies to be a bit particular. Is it too much to ask for a clean, dry diaper, a little milk, and to be warm and snuggly?!

So here is my favorite smiley picture so far...I love this little boy!!! I'll figure out one of these days how to get the pictures going in the right direction!

1st Visit to the Plastic Surgeon

SO, we went to the plastic surgeon on Nov. 6th. We had met with him at the hospital, so it was pretty informal, and not as "educational" as I had hoped...but only because he had already told us most of what was to come! Dr. Sinow is a really funny guy, and Shane and I feel so blessed to once again have such great doctors taking care of our little man.

I had a ballpark of when his lip surgery would be, but we were hoping to get an actual date. That didn't exactly happen, but we've narrowed it down to Jan. I'm hoping early January so it will happen during my vacation, but I guess that is a bit selfish, and I'll take the time off when I need to!

We will have one more meeting with him before we really get a date and know complete details. They have mastered many methods of surgery for cleft lip...so the surgery itself is pretty common, and "easy"...although on a baby, with itty bitty needles, and hundreds of small little stitches in 3 layers, it is very intricate and "complicated". (If that makes any sense!?) I feel confident that we will get a great result, and that Calder will be on his way!

I've become friends with some amazing ladies on the "cleft lip and palate" babycenter board I am on, and they are always talking about their own experiences...one of which is the grieving period after lip surgery. The cleft itself...the thing that was initially so scary and such an unknown, becomes such a big part of who your child is...not in a bad way...but their beautiful "wide smile" is the only smile you have known, it is what you love about them, and you really will miss it when it is gone. You obviously want your child to have the surgery and have a "beautiful and normal" smile like everyone else. Problem is, that when you have a baby with a cleft, their smile is already beautiful and normal to you...cleft or not, they are the baby you fell in love with when you first found out you were pregnant, and then you fell in love with them again when you heard their heartbeat for the first time, and then when you saw them on the ultrasound, and felt them move, and when they were born...how could you not absolutely love them exactly as they are???!!! So these mommies I know all say that we are the luckiest mommies in the world because we get the joy of having 2 "first smiles", and I think that is a pretty amazing way to look at it.

I'll keep you all updated on appointments as they happen, and our latest news!

How funny that my last post on here was the day I went into labor!! Here it is...

Calder’s birth story began on Saturday, Sept. 26, around 10 PM. My water broke…literally…just like they say it does, very strange! I could feel it pop, and the leaking/gushing began! Because my experience with Caydree was so different, and happened so quickly, we decided to head to the hospital right away. We got there about 11:00, and they monitored me for an hour before putting us in a labor and delivery room. The contractions weren’t bad, and I was about 3 cm…very do-able, I thought. Started to walk around some maybe 1ish, tired of lying in the bed, and not making a whole lot of progress. Around 4:30, I still was not making very much progress…barely 4 cm, so they asked me if I wanted to start some pitocin. Usually, along with pitocin comes the epidural, so I opted for both! I got those before 6 AM, so I was feeling pretty good about things, just a bit tired. My contractions remained fairly irregular until about 10 when things started moving faster. By 11ish we were finally getting ready to have a baby!

Pushing without an epidural (Caydree) was much easier than pushing with one…because we didn’t seem to be making much progress with that either. After about an hour of what seemed like “fruitless” work, the doctor started to check other things. She found that the baby’s head was pretty much stuck—pushing wasn’t helping, she couldn’t move it herself, it was too high for a safe vacuum…and his heart rate had started to show some early signs of distress. We tried for maybe another hour, they brought another doctor in to check, but by now the heart rate was decelerating with each contraction, whether I was pushing or not. He was not coming out! They assumed that the cord was compromised somewhere, kinked or wrapped at some point, which isn’t the best scenario for the baby. The next offer was a difficult decision, and the easiest one, all at the same time. We could try for a bit longer, risking unknown stress, and an emergency c-section, or we could just go with the c-section then and cause less stress for the baby. We went with the “lower stress” c-section option, which I must say wasn’t really low stress for me!

For those of you who did not already know, we found out that the baby would be born with a cleft lip and palate at our 20-week ultrasound. Testing had ruled out pretty much all of the other health problems and syndromes that can come along with a cleft, but we still had the anxiety of not knowing until his birth just how severe it would be. Knowing that there was now another potential problem with the heart decelerations and the cord…getting him out as quickly and safely as possible was all we wanted.

Back to the c-section…YUCK! Why anyone would choose this option is far beyond me, and I’m a planner, and a control freak. That was too scary. I felt like what should have been a happy time was wrapped in panic, unknown, and stress on my part. Much better for the baby, I know, and I’m super thankful for that, but it was not fun for me. I couldn’t see, couldn’t breathe well due to the epidural and the oxygen (I know it sounds strange…), all of the sudden I was claustrophobic because of the blue sheet in my face, and I pretty much had to convince myself the whole time that I wasn’t going to have a panic attack…got the shakes in recovery, 15 staples and a 6 inch scar later…I hated it. Did I mention that c-sections are not for me??

Needless to say, “Baby Boy Jennings” later to be named Calder Saben (chosen by big sis Caydree), was born at 1:53 in the afternoon, with the cord tightly around his neck, but otherwise healthy! They basically determined that the cord was holding him up inside, and it was a very good thing we went with the c-section. I just won’t be doing that ever again!!! He was a whopping 8 lbs, and at the hospital measured 21 in., but the pediatrician could only get him to stretch to 19 ½, so he is somewhere between that it length! Too funny, in my opinion...

As luck would have it, the retired lead doctor from the hospital’s cleft team just happened to be working that weekend, and was able to be there for our delivery. So she was able to immediately assess Calder and let us know that he was doing great. She also got the ball rolling with all of the other doctors and components of the team. God has been very present for me throughout this pregnancy experience, and I know he was hard at work putting everything into place during and after the birth as well! While we were in the hospital we were able to meet with almost all of the amazing doctors who will be taking Calder through his journey of surgeries, therapy, etc. Our worries and most of the unknowns were replaced with answers, timelines of what to expect, and the reassurance that we needed to start feeling like we would be able to handle things.

I know this is long, but if you know me I talk way too much so it shouldn’t surprise you! BUT I’m finally to the part where I’ll tell you a little more about Calder and his cleft.

The initial ultrasounds led us to believe that he had a bilateral cleft lip and palate, meaning both sides of his lip underneath his nose, and both sides of his palate would be affected. It is the more severe type of cleft, and although we were worried, it is still absolutely “fixable”. When he was born, we were surprised to find that his cleft lip is unilateral and only affects the right side. The palate does have a bilateral cleft, but it’s a little different. On the right side of the palate the cleft is complete—meaning that the separation runs the entire roof of his mouth, even through the gum line. On the left side, the cleft is incomplete, and only affects the back part of the palate. This is my understanding of it…and I’m sure we will find out more about it as things progress.

We were very concerned about feeding, as this is usually the biggest challenge for cleft babies initially. With some help from the occupational therapists who specialize in feeding, we left the hospital with Calder eating much better than we anticipated…we really are fortunate. It is often difficult to breast feed when there is a cleft palate (because he can’t get a good enough seal to create suction), so we are using a special bottle that we are able to squeeze and I am pumping. It’s going really well, and although it takes a little more effort and attention than a regular bottle, he is handling it like a champ! Babies are so resilient and adapting…it is truly amazing. He obviously doesn’t know any different, but it’s awesome to just watch him figure out what works!

As far as we know, he will have at least 3-4 surgeries…possibly more to correct the cleft lip and palate. The timeline is very dependent upon other things falling into place, but his first surgery will be to fix his lip (which is so cute I almost don’t want to get it fixed…) when he is about 3 or 4 months old. His palate surgery will be later, when he is between 9-12 months. After that the big one won’t be until he is older…a bone graft to fill the space in his gums, when his baby teeth have fallen out and the permanent teeth are ready to come in. Also scattered in there could be other things like nose and scar revisions…depending on growth and how the other surgeries go! It is definitely not the road we had planned, but we are ready to take it. Our journey so far has definitely had ups and downs, but it has been an amazing, life changing experience. There is a great piece by Emily Perl Kingsley called “Welcome to Holland” that I will post on here as well that kind of sums it all up…read it if you’d like.

SO, we have an adorable new addition (please check out his pictures) who couldn’t be a sweeter or happier baby! Caydree is a very proud and so far mostly helpful big sister…we’ll keep you posted on that one!

I’m trying to get this blog going on a more regular basis...to keep people posted instead of putting it all on Facebook…so bear with me as I will be hit and miss for awhile.

We love you all, and hope that this clarifies questions or concerns anyone might have. Feel free to call us anytime, and we will keep you posted on the little man!!

Kalissa and Shane