Almost 1 year...

So, about this time last year, I was really sick. Physically--with a terrible sinus cold, and mentally--preparing myself for Calder's first cleft repair surgery. Thankfully, this year I am just physically sick again...this time with strep throat. :( Much better mentally--no pending surgery, no extra stress, no sleepless nights of worrying if it will all be ok. It is a mommy's job to worry. If we don't, who will, right? But, I wish that I knew then, what I know now...that it would be hard, but we could handle it...that Calder would heal quickly, and without any complications...that life would be sweeter, and we'd be stronger for having "been there; done that".

I remember being so sad, even scared in thinking about how Calder was going to "change"--I didn't want him to be any different. I didn't want him to have a new smile, and I certainly didn't want him to remember anything he'd been through. He is not different, still the fearless BOY he has always been. His smile changes constantly...I think I see a new one every day, as he learns new things and discovers life. There are times when I desperately miss those wide smiles from our monkey. But I am so grateful for the 5 1/2 months of wide smiles we had, and if thousands of pictures aren't enough, then my memories will have to do. If HE remembers anything about his experience, he doesn't hold it against us...Calder is truly the most "happy-go-lucky" little guy I've ever met, and that is part of who he is, that is what I hope never changes.

So, in this, one of my many "crystal ball moments" I feel very blessed. Our journey isn't over, and Calder's road will have its bumps. We have learned, we have grown...and met some truly amazing people along the way. So much can happen in a year, and we will take it as it comes, one moment at a time.

Here's to you, little man...we LOVE you more than you'll ever know!!