The Jennings' Jabber...a few of our moments, at least...

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Last day of our favorite smile...

I guess it's hard for me to explain to people why I'm not happier about Calder's surgery...in addition to being a nervous wreck...I am just sad that I'm losing that huge grin. I know my "cleft mommy" friends get it, but it's hard to even talk about it with other people. Meaning well, they always say things that shouldn't hurt, but do...You spend all this time loving your child more than you could ever imagine, exactly the way they are, and then all of the sudden they are different. It's not that I think I'll love him any less, I'm sure I will love him even more, but it makes me sad that he has to change. If only everyone else in the world would be as accepting...

I dread that he will look back at his baby pictures and dislike them, or be embarrassed...when all I want to do with them is blow them into huge reprints and plaster my walls with them!!! I guess it's all relative. This is one of those times I wish I had a crystal ball, so I could see how his life will be later...I can only hope that all of the difficulties I know he might face will make him a better and more empathetic person. I hope I can help that along too.

So, as random as this posting might be, it's my last day to love the heck out of this little man's smile, and to figure out how to let go a little bit too. I will be posting some post-op pictures, so that will probably be my next entry. I can't wait until I can post some pics of both smiles...
Love you little man!!

2 comments:

  1. This post brought tears to my eyes b/c I could relate to everything you said. Hunter's first smile holds a special place in my heart. Our thoughts and prayers will be with you guys!!

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  2. As I read your post I cried. I know exactly how you feel. My husband was born with a cleft lip and palate. We have been together for 11 yrs since I was 17. In 2002 we had our son Alix William. Alix was born with a bilateral cleft lip and palate. I felt the same way you did the weeks befor Alix's operation. I loved him sooo much I couldn't imagine him changing at all! Now I'm five months pregnant with a baby girl and it looks on the ultrasound like she too will be born with a cleft lip and palate. I'v spent the last couple weeks crying and being scared not know how I can get baby Sophia threw all the operations and her big brother Alix will be haveing his bonegraft operations. But I know God never gives you more than you can handle and we will get through this one day at a time. Your little man is adorible befor and after surgery.

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